Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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