She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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