I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
