WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
