Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is my gift to your gina
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
