college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
