There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
