Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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