I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
nutella sex= disaster
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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