Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
