Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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