Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
