just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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