I didn't shave. On purpose
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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