escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
