you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the day after is always just damage control
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
