How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
