Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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