Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
