My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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