I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
