Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
