booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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