If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
