That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
