I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
