I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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