what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
