I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think i have two assholes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
