The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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