This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
