I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
