So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
