the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
