Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
