I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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