It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
