Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
