At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
