Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
