there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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