Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
