Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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