i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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