Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
