Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
