I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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