this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
