in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
