All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
