The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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