I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
