He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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