fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
