Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
