In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
