If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
