Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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