i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
