Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
