i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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