Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
