So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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