dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize