i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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