I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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