Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I supernannyed him into submission
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
