just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
