I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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