There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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