This house was built for laser tag.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
