I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
