she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
