just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
